The Secret to a Successful Marriage (According to my Mum)

51 years of wisdom from a woman who’s lived it

Most men want the secret to a successful marriage.

Not the Instagram quotes.
Not the podcast soundbites.
The real stuff!
The kind that still works when life gets hard, people get tired, hormones change, and romance isn’t always convenient.

So, in honour of my parents’ 51st wedding anniversary (4th Jan 2026), I asked my mum that exact question.

She is 69. Old school. Sharp as a tack. Devoutly Catholic. Married longer than most of us have been alive. And she’s seen enough of life, stress, illness, ageing, and change to know what actually matters.

Here’s what she had to say.

1. Compromise Isn’t Optional. It’s the Job.

If you’re looking for one magic ingredient, my mum doesn’t hesitate: "Compromise".

Marriage isn’t about winning. It’s about meeting in the middle, especially when life throws pressure, fatigue, health challenges, or emotional strain your way.

Sometimes you give more.
Sometimes she does.

If you’re keeping score, you’re already losing.

2. Men and Women Are Wired Differently. Accept It.

One of the biggest mistakes men make, according to my mum, is assuming women think and feel the same way they do.

They don’t.

Bodies work differently.
Minds work differently.
Hormones work differently.

That doesn’t make one right and the other wrong, it just means expecting logic where emotion is involved will always end badly.

Understanding beats being “right” every time.

3. Love Alone Isn’t Enough.

When asked what matters most, love, respect, friendship or commitment? 
Her answer was simple:

"All of them".

Marriage isn’t built on a single pillar. It’s a structure. Remove one support and the whole thing weakens.

Long-term relationships, like long-term health, only work when multiple systems are supported at the same time.

4. Being a Gentleman Still Matters.

This one hit hard.

My mum credits much of their longevity to my dad choosing, every single day, even to this day, to be a gentleman.

Opening car doors.
Pulling out chairs.
Treating her with respect, even when she admits she makes it difficult at times.

Love, she says, is a choice, not a feeling.

5. Listen. Don’t Fix.

This might be the most important advice men will ever hear.

When a woman talks, she is rarely asking you to fix the problem.

She wants to be heard.

Not dismissed.
Not minimised.
And definitely not ignored “because she’s a woman”.

What she thinks is important.
What she feels is valid.

Full stop.

6. Be Her Safe Haven.

Emotional safety, according to my mum, is extremely important.

When life is chaotic, when stress is high, when hormones, health or family pressures weigh heavy, your job is to be the place she can land.

Not judge.
Not criticise.
Just be there.

Consistency beats intensity every time.

7. Humour Is Non-Negotiable.

“If I didn’t have a sense of humour,” she says, “we wouldn’t still be married.”

Coming from a devout Catholic woman of her generation, that tells you everything you need to know.

Stress destroys connection.
Laughter diffuses stress.

Simple as that.

8. Marriage Is a Promise.

When things got tough, what kept her there wasn’t convenience or comfort.

It was the promise she made in front of God, her husband, and her family.

Marriage, to her, isn't disposable. It isn't something you quit when life gets uncomfortable.

Longevity in health or relationships, requires commitment when it’s least convenient.

9. Sex Isn’t Everything.

Important? Yes.
The whole thing? No.

Connection, respect, and companionship outlast physical desire. Ignore that, and you miss the point entirely, especially as bodies and hormones change with age.

10. Give Each Other Space.

Finally, her advice to men is simple and powerful:

Give your partner space to be who she is.

Marriage isn’t ownership.
It’s partnership.

Fifty-one years later, this is what real commitment looks like:
quiet, consistent, and chosen daily.

"I know how fortunate I am to have parents who still love each other, still respect each other, and still choose, every single day, to do the small, often unseen things that quietly add up to something rare. Fifty-one years on, their marriage isn’t loud or performative. It’s consistent, intentional, and built on showing up when it matters. And that’s what makes the big picture not just good… but picture perfect." - Sheldon Stringer - DNA CEO & Co-Founder