The Crisis No One Wants to Talk About: Where Did the Strong Men Go?

Bonnie Tyler said it best in the first line of "Holding Out for a Hero" which goes, "Where did all the good men go?"

We live in the most technologically advanced society in human history.

And yet somehow…
We’re softer.
More offended.
More confused.
Less capable.

That’s not progress. That’s regression with better Wi-Fi.

At the heart of it all sits an uncomfortable truth no one wants to touch without gloves:

We have a severe shortage of strong male role models.

And no, before the comments section starts stretching, “strong” does not mean aggressive, dominant, or abusive. It means grounded, accountable, disciplined, kind, capable men.

The kind society quietly relied on for centuries.

Absent Fathers Create a Vacuum. Nature Always Fills It.

More boys and young men than ever are being raised without present fathers.

Not deadbeat stereotypes.
Not villains.
Just… absent.

And when that masculine guidance disappears, something else steps in.

Porn.
Algorithms.
Influencers selling confidence without character.
Sex without intimacy.
Status without responsibility.

Young men are learning what love, sex and masculinity look like from pixels and dopamine loops instead of lived example.

That doesn’t create men.
It creates confused consumers with testosterone and no direction.

“Toxic Masculinity” Is a Lazy Diagnosis

Masculinity is not toxic.

If it were, every superhero franchise, firefighter, soldier, builder, father, and protector would be a problem.

They’re not.

What people label “toxic masculinity” is far more accurately described as narcissistic behaviour:

• Lack of empathy

• Entitlement

• Insecurity masked as dominance

• Power without responsibility

That’s not masculinity. That’s immaturity wearing confidence like a Halloween costume.

Calling masculinity toxic doesn’t solve the problem.
It avoids it.

A Generation Raised on Opinions, Not Consequences

We’ve created a culture where:

• Feelings outweigh facts

• Watching a video equals expertise

• Having followers replaces leadership

Funny thing about followers…
They’re meant to follow someone who’s going somewhere.

When did helping a stranger become “weird”?
When did filming someone in trouble become more important than stepping in?

Kindness used to be normal.
Courage used to be expected.

Now it’s “content”.

Strength Isn’t Violence. It’s Responsibility.

There’s a popular saying:
“Fighting never solves anything.”

That’s easy to say if you’ve never had to fight for anything.

Strength doesn’t mean throwing punches.
It means standing when it would be easier to walk away.
It means protecting when no one’s watching.
It means doing the right thing even when it costs you something.

That’s what strong men model.

And without models, boys improvise.

Poorly.

So What’s the Fix?

We’re not changing the world overnight.
We’re not rewiring the justice system.
And we’re definitely not uninstalling the internet.

But here’s the Gen-X answer no one wants, yet always works:

Do one good thing every day.

Say hello.
Hold a door.
Help a stranger.
Be calm when chaos is easier.
Be strong when it’s inconvenient.

Strength spreads quietly.

And maybe, just maybe, if enough men choose to show up properly, we slow the devolution long enough for the next generation to remember what leadership actually looks like.