The Secret to a successful Marriage (According to my Dad)

51 years of honesty from a man who stayed

Men don’t often get asked what keeps a marriage together and even less often do they answer honestly.

So, to mark my parents’ 51st wedding anniversary, I asked my dad a simple question:
What’s the secret to a successful marriage?

He’s in his seventies. Old school. Straight talking. Married for over half a century. He’s lived through stress, addiction, the military, recovery, parenthood, ageing, and everything that tests a relationship over time.

This is what he had to say.

1. Communication, Care, and Owning Your Mistakes.

For my dad, it starts here.

A long marriage survives on communication, genuine care for one another, and the ability to admit when you’re wrong.

Pride, he says, destroys more relationships than arguments ever will.

2. Sometimes Men Need Quiet.

One thing my dad believes women often misunderstand is this: men sometimes need quiet, alone time. Not because they’re angry. Not because they don’t care. But because silence is how many men clear their heads and reset themselves. It isn’t withdrawal, it’s processing.

He also believes that giving each other the freedom to remain your own person is vital. You may be in one relationship, but you are still two independent, intelligent, free-spirited people who need a life outside of it.

That doesn’t weaken a marriage, it strengthens it.

When there’s no insecurity around each other’s freedom, it’s a sign the love is solid, secure, and deeply trusted.

3. Respect Doesn’t Have to Be Grand.

Respect matters deeply to men, but it doesn’t need to be dramatic.

To my dad, feeling respected can be as simple as:

• a hug
• a thank you
• a moment of appreciation

Those small gestures go further than most people realise.

4. Support Changes Everything.

When asked what made the biggest difference in his marriage, my dad didn’t hesitate.

My mum stood by him during his struggle with alcohol.
She didn’t excuse it, but she supported him through it.

That kind of loyalty builds trust that lasts a lifetime.

5. Appreciation Makes Men Want to Do More.

Men respond to appreciation by showing up more fully.

A simple thank you.
A hug.
A moment of recognition.

Feeling valued makes a man want to give more, not retreat.

6. Conflict Doesn’t Have to Destroy the Relationship.

Their system was simple.

Mum vents and gets angry.
Dad goes quiet for a few days.
Everyone cools off.

Then they come back together for a calm, constructive conversation.

No shouting matches.
No tearing each other down, but supporting each other's opinions.

7. Physical Affection Still Matters.

Even as men get older, physical affection remains important.

It reassures.
It connects.
It says “you still matter” without words.

8. Loyalty Is Non-Negotiable.

Loyalty, to my dad, means complete trust.

No question.
No doubt.

Once that’s broken, everything else becomes harder.

9. Build Each Other Up.

According to my dad, attraction and connection last when partners:

• give compliments
• show appreciation
• and never break each other down

Words leave scars. Choose them carefully and kindly.
Like the age old saying, "Hurtful words are like toothpaste, once out, they can't be put back"

10. Men Never Truly Grow Up.

His final piece of advice is delivered with a smile.

Never expect a man to grow up completely.
He will always want to do something stupid now and again.

Let him.

Just never speak to him like a child and manage your expectations accordingly.

To Sum it Up.

Fifty-one years later, this is what long-term love looks like from a man who stayed:
loyalty, respect, quiet understanding, and choosing each other when it’s not easy.

✨ Closing Note

I’m incredibly lucky to have parents who still respect each other, support each other, and understand that love isn’t loud, it’s consistent.

You might be interested to read:
https://dnahormonalhealth.com/blogs/manimal-blogs/secret-to-a-long-marriage-according-to-women